Boomer Stories: The Parrot Was Set Free

Now I do not claim to be a bird expert and this story will tell you why.  Many years ago I took my yearly vacation to visit my brother and his wife in Florida.  On arriving at their house I noticed a beautiful parrot had been added to their family along with Albert and Duchess the great Danes.  Unfortunate for me they had to leave for work soon after my arrival.  That was the beginning of my bird story.

I sat down in the lazy boy chair to do a little relaxing. The next thing I knew the parrot was flying around the room making a lot of funny noises.  Now I didn’t know parrots had such big wings.  So I stood up.  The parrot came right at me.  I ducked. Then here it came again.  I took off to the kitchen.  Here came the parrot.  The next thing I knew it landed on my shoulder and was snapping at my ear.  This was not very pleasant since I really needed my ear.  When I would raise my hand toward the bird it would snap at my finger.  By this time I was getting a little fearful because the bird had taken up permanent residence on my shoulder and had no intentions of leaving.

Since Albert the Great Dane was brave I decided to solicit his help.  I slowly moved to the floor, laying on my stomach with bird climbing down my back.  I called Albert over thinking he would take care of this bird situation but instead the bird snapped at Albert and Albert took off.  Time passed and my nerves were quite on edge not knowing what to do with this bird on my shoulder that appeared to have a taste for my ear.  I looked for a work phone number to call my brother but none to be found.  My shoulder was aching, my heart was pounding and over an hour had gone by with bird still attached to me.

At this point I was willing to try anything so I found a telephone book and called an exotic bird shop to see if they could give me any suggestions of getting this dog gone bird off of my shoulder.  I was somewhat hysterical when I made the call.  The person on the other end of the telephone line was of no help at all and was very concerned that I was going to hurt the bird.  No way.  Hec, I couldn’t figure out how to even get my hands on it without coming up with a missing finger or something.

Then I came up with another idea.  I got a towel out of the linen closet and slowly folded it over my lower arms and hands.  Now the last thing I wanted to do was upset this bird that was still checking out my ear.  Slowly but surely I raised my arms, threw the towel over the bird, made a quick move and off the bird flew but oh was he mad.  He was diving at me again.  I took off to the kitchen and grabbed a frying pan for protection but I didn’t want to hurt the bird.  Plus now how would that have looked to my brother when he came home seeing his parrot laying in a frying pan.

Well I guess the parrot got tired of playing his silly game and went to his cage which pleased me very much.  Cautiously I slammed the bird cage door and finally after many hours I was parrot safe.

Now that was a story that my brother truly enjoyed with his sense of humor but we made a deal  parrot stays in cage or I go to a hotel.  Now the only thing we could figure out was the parrot just loved my red hair.  Who knows.  Maybe he thought I was another parrot or something.  Anyway, my sister-in-law came home from work not knowing of this happening because she worked late at night.  The next morning, I came out of my bedroom to once again be greeted by a flying parrot.  Lucky for me this time my sister-in-law grabbed the bird but it was not lucky for her.

The bird took a large bite out of her finger.  Now I am here to tell you parrots make mistakes too and that was a BIG mistake.  She put him in his cage as the blood ran down her finger and had a few words to say to the parrot.  These were her words, “You are just like one of my ex husbands that  bite the hand of the person that feeds you so guess what?  I am getting rid of you just like I did him!”

Now that is the end of my bird story.  My sister-in-laws finger healed, the parrot got a new home and my ear returned safely to the city of St. Louis.  Oh and by the way, I have no desire to own a parrot even though they are beautiful birds at a distance.  Every parrot has its place and that place is not with me!  So now that I am almost 62 years old I just prefer watching a Robin sitting in a tree.