How To Deal With Crowds During The Holidays

WorkingBoomer compiles a Hilarious list of ways to deal with crowds during the shopping season.

crowds during holidays

It is my day off and Working Boomer needs to do some shopping.  During the holiday season most places are crowded, even the streets.  Since I don’t deal well with crowds, I thought it might be good to make a list of ways to deal before I start out.  Maybe you can use some of these ideas.

  1. Wear a cheap smelling perfume or after shave lotion.  Even better, maybe re frame from bathing until you return home.  People just might stay further away if you do this.
  2. Borrow you neighbors barking Pit Bull.  Take him with you.  Of course you may want to check your city ordinance regarding pit bull rules.  Some places do not allow pit bulls.  After all, avoiding a crowd by being put in jail is not a good idea.
  3. Find you scary mask from Halloween.  Wear it.  Who knows, it might work.
  4. Yell fire at the top of your lungs while shopping.  Again, be careful. This might be very dangerous.  You do not want anyone injured in a stampede toward the door.  Just forget that idea.  Let’s go to something else.
  5. Carry your battery operated radio.  Turn it on very LOUD.   Tune it into some nice knee stomping music. Dance your way down the isles.  People may look at you from a distance but probably will not get too close.
  6. Get in one of those motorized carts that the stores have on hand.  Turn it on HIGH SPEED.  Plow your way down each isle.  It might help to slap your side and holler, “Yew Haw!”
  7. Carry a nice big tin cup.  Write these words on it, ” I am RICH but I only want to spend YOUR money, PLEASE DONATE to my cause.
  8. Put a sign on your back that says, “My doctor diagnosed me with leprosy yesterday.  Keep your distance.”
  9. Wear boxing gloves.  Look tough!
  10. Carry a rattle snake in your hand bag or pocket.  Make sure the snake head can be seen by others.  Make sure if you try this that the snake knows not to bite you.

Now that we have had a little fun, I will suggest that we get serious about these crowds.  Be courteous.  Deep breathe.  Try to smile.  Use common sense.  Pace yourself.  Try not to stress.  Go to the bathroom before leaving your house.  Do not text while driving.  Above all show respect!

I hope this has helped you loosen up a bit by using a little humor, if not maybe just stay home until the places are less crowded.  There are some stores open after midnight.  Since I work the night shift, it appears that the streets are much clearer of traffic at that time.  Don’t worry!  I am sure your boss with understand your tiredness at work the next morning.  After all he or she is having to deal with crowds too.

Have a fun!  Be Brave!  Live, Laugh and Learn!  Just relax and enjoy the moment!

Author: Robert Fowler

Robert Fowler is President of Retirement Media Inc. Check out Robert's blog at

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