A Colonoscopy Is Not Funny… Or Is It?

Willem Dafoe, Willem Dafoe, what’s so funny about the actor Willem Dafoe? What’s so funny…my wife is. Does she know Mr. Dafoe? No. Do I know him? No. What connection does he have to our family? Apparently, it is I.

Mr. Dafoe has had a long career in films often playing quirky, evil characters. Never a superstar, but he does work regularly in Hollywood films. When he and I were young, we looked nothing alike. He was gaunt, thin and wiry, while I was always full faced and a bit chunky. As he aged, the actor remained thin and gaunt and now has short gray hair. As I aged, I became thin and gaunt with a full head of short gray hair. People who know me for many years think we look nothing alike, probably because they “see” me as the old Bill. But people who meet me now for the first time, have no problem seeing the resemblance. What does all this have to do with funny? Please read on.

Recently I had a colonoscopy. This procedure is not so funny for the patient, but it usually generates a lot of jokes and humor from friends and acquaintances. My supportive wife drove me to the clinic and was in attendance before and after the procedure. As required, I had not eaten solid food for two days prior and I was in a weakened condition as I was rolled into the procedure room.

The room contained the usual complement of medical support personnel and the doctor performing the operation. Coincidently, they were all women. In comes this old, gaunt, thin, starving gray haired man on a gurney. I was not quite under from the drugs they had administered and could still converse as all seven looked down at me. One young nurse said to me,” Hey. You look like Willem Dafoe”. Of course, idle chit chat is the furthest thing from my mind as I anticipate what is about to happen to my little body. But I answer, “Oh. I see”. Of course the nurse passes this on to all those in attendance and they have to bat it around a bit as each one adds her own opinion about me and Dafoe. Fortunately, I dropped off to Never Never Land as the drugs kicked in.

Everything went well and I found myself coming to in a bed in the recovery area. There was my dear wife holding my hand along with the recovery nurse doing her post-op duties. The doctor who had just performed the procedure came by to give us the results (which were all good) and to complete some follow up details.

During her visit, the doctor turned to my wife and said, “Did you know that your husband looks like Willem Dafoe”?

My wife looked directly at the Doctor and responded,” Oh, really. Which end”?

Every other patient leaves the recovery room in a somber, vulnerable state. We left them laughing. Boy is my wife funny!

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Bill Christie is a member of the Writers Group at Village at Deaton Creek, an Active Adult Community. Bill is currently writing a murder mystery that takes place in an Active Adult Community.

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Facing Life With A Little Boomer Humor

As some of you know, I use humor to deal with some of life’s little irritations.  It works for me!  Today thus far was no exception.  I woke up at 4 a.m. today full of things to get done prior to my work night tonight.  I wanted to write a blog about city retirement and things to do in St. Louis, Missouri.  Obviously that has changed due to my mind going in too many other directions using humor.  I am determined to write though because one of the first things on my mind today was a song from the past, “You Are On My Mind.”  Yes, computer friends, I mean you, so I am going to share a little boomer humor.  This is how I used humor to change negative thought to positives in just a few hours.

  1. I bought a new hair color product to cover my gray roots.  Since I have a cosmetology license, I did not see a problem with this.  It was!  The new product had totally different ways to color white and gray.  I read the directions.  I followed them.  The results was dark brown.  The box said light vibrant red brown.  I wanted what the box said.  Well, I will be trying to enjoy my new look of dark brown.  Lesson learned, I say!  It will grow out.  If necessary, I will wear a cap or hat for six weeks.  There is no use to sweat the small stuff.
  2. I look forward to the Retirement Media Daily News Paper that comes out in the evening.  There was no paper last evening due to some problem on the computer.  You got it!  There was no paper this morning either.  No problem, I will have double to read when it does appear.
  3. I wanted to air out the apartment today with the fresh spring air.  I opened the patio doors.  There was no sunshine but a nice rain with chilly air.  Instantly my head started to pound because I have allergies.  The lawn folks cut the grass yesterday.  Again, no problem.  The patio doors are closed and my head ache is easing down underneath my dark brown hair.   It will make a great day to sleep before my midnight work shift tonight.
  4. Then I remembered there were a few things that I still needed from the store.  With umbrella in hand, I proceeded out the door to my car.  Now, I am here to let you know that traffic in the early a.m. should be avoided whenever possible.  Even more so on a rainy day at the end of a week when day folks are trying to get to work.  That is another lesson I learned this morning.  The lady saved the day that horned her truck horn at me when she almost hit my car.  Need I mention that I was sitting still and she was the one moving.  No auto repairs or injuries and that is good!
  5. Sweetie, my dog, was a wee bit disappointed about the rain too.  She wanted to chase rabbits but she does not like her feet wet.  All the better for me because I don’t like my head wet waiting for her to do her number in the early morning hours.  Yep, that was another positive turned to a negative.
  6. I saw that the gasoline prices went up again overnight.  One more penny and it will be at $4.oo a gallon.  Lucky me!  I didn’t need gas today.  Maybe it will go down again before my tank is empty.
  7. The clothes that I picked up at the laundry mat are in good shape, even though I managed to drop them in the wet grass. They were nicely hung on hangers in strong clear plastic.  Whoops!  That was close!  I am so glad that I don’t have to go back to laundry mat and do them all over again.  Now how is that for turning a negative drop to a positive thought.

I have had a lot of fun writing this blog even though it is light and a little off beat but so is life at times.  Remember as I always say; This too shall pass.  Life is getting too short to waste on the small things that we can not control.  Try and find something that you can laugh about each day!  Have you had a good BELLY LAUGH today?  Just try it because it feels good!

You have a choice, laugh or cry.  I hope that you share your laugh with us so that we all can laugh with each other. Need some more boomer humor.

Boomer Review: Common Sense 101

Today’s times have gotten a bit hectic. Common sense use to be something that my parents encouraged me to use at all times. According to encyclopedia.com, common sense knowledge is defined as the routine knowledge we have of our everyday world and activities.  To me that just means, get back to the basics people.  We boomers have a tenacity to complicate things.

I am going to list a few common sense basics just for review purposes for all of us.  These are not listed in any special order  of importance but I am sure that you probably can relate to all of these.  Heck, a few of these even gave me a chuckle, maybe it will give you a smile too.

COMMON SENSE

  1. It is not necessary to use the computer to look up a definition to common sense.  If you do, with all the long reads, it will only complicate things more.  I know.  I just did it!
  2. It is OK to trust yourself.  People have been doing it from the beginning of time.  We boomers are of age now and we don’t need the permission of others to be happy!
  3. Remember, when using a credit card that the bill will be due.  If the house payment is not paid or the rent then don’t buy a 60 inch television with a credit card.  After all, who needs an electric television if one has no electricity.
  4. When grocery shopping, make sure you eat and DO NOT go to the store hungry.  A hungry person tends to grab more than necessary off those nice snack shelves.
  5. If you drink alcoholic beverages, to avoid a headache, consider drinking only a couple.  Learn to practice saying, “No thank you.”  Even better, maybe just sip on some healthy water.
  6. If you have been using the old standard land line phone and get in the mood to buy a new improved cell phone then be prepared for a learning experience.  I bought one 4 months ago and I am still on step one.
  7. Do not get so busy that you forget to have the oil changed in your vehicle.  Use common sense and put the minor things up front to prevent major crisis.
  8. If your underwear drawers are getting too full then you might want to consider throwing away the ones that have not been worn in a year or so.
  9. If you are buying a new house, do not assume all of it is in good condition just because it has beautiful curb appeal.
  10. If your boss asks you to do something within your job description then do it.  Know when to say yes and know when to say no.
  11. Do not be afraid to ask for help if you need it.  After all someone just might want to help.  The worst that can happen is being rejected.  We are grown, we can deal with that!
  12. Make sure the lid is screwed tight on the mustard and pickle jars before you put them back in the refrigerator.  Cleaning up the mess from a spill is NOT FUN.
  13. No matter how busy you get, remember to take the time for a toilet break when needed.  I will not go into the details on this one because I am sure that you have my visual.
  14. If your lawn needs cutting then cut it.  After all the city inspector has more to do than send you a notice.
  15. When eating chocolate ice cream stop when you are full.  I know it is delicious but there are consequences to over indulging to include bulging.

Most important, remember to laugh at yourself because we ALL make mistakes sometimes!  Use common sense and loosen up because you baby boomers have earned it!  Use common sense and make sure you take time to play no matter how old you are!